THIS little light of mine... an update

Nearly 8 months ago, I posted about my ectopic pregnancy and how I was trying to remain positive after my operation to remove "our Pip" and my fallopian tube.

We'd been told that I would still be able to conceive with my remaining tube, but that it may take a little longer - my fertility had reduced by around 30% as a result of the operation. We were also told that once a woman has had 1 ectopic pregnancy, the odds of her having another greatly increase - from one in eighty, to one in ten. Scary odds, but what would Linford do? PMA, that's what.

I won't bore you with the ins and outs of trying to get pregnant (pun intended...) but let me just tell you that the saying "relax and it will happen" is just irritating bullshit when you're trying to conceive, especially after a loss.

Long story short, we didn't relax - but we tracked, we timed and we tried, and it worked! On 8th April, I had a positive result on a pregnancy test. This line was much darker than any of the lines I'd got with Pip, so we dared to hope this one had made it all the way to my uterus...

Anyone who's been through an ectopic has to have an early scan at 6 weeks along, to check that the new pregnancy has made it into the right place. Ours was booked in for 2 weeks later, and so the wait began. That fortnight was a weird one. Pleased that we've mounted hurdle one and got pregnant again, but scared that Piptwo is just as lazy as their predecessor and has decided to stick around in my one remaining tube. Which would be pretty shit. Meaning more surgery, another failed pregnancy and drastically reduced fertility. So, yeah - it was a long two weeks waiting for the dildo cam moment.

Going for that first scan appointment was a very deja vu morning. We sat in the same waiting room as we had 5 months earlier, filling out the same forms and listening to the same radio station. We walked into the same room to get scanned so it was quite a relief to have a different sonographer doing the honours! She was brilliant - no messing around and just got straight on with it as she knew we didn't want to wait around making small talk. Right away she said "there it is! In the uterus!" which was such a relief. Second hurdle jumped! After a nervy few minutes while she poked around looking for a twin pregnancy (either in the right place or the wrong) she confirmed there was just one embryo, where it should be, and printed off a photo of a blurry tadpole for us to proudly show off to family.

So here we are now, 10 weeks and 2 more scans later and daring to hope this one might be the keeper. Piptwo is making themselves known - giving me a pot belly that makes me look like I've been hitting the mars bars hard (clue: I have) and an unquenchable thirst for milk. I'm 16 weeks today, and due on 16th December. This is our official "coming out" post - I'm pregnant!

I want to end by telling anyone else who's gone through a #misCOURAGE to keep hoping, keep shining. We'll get there, if we believe. PMA.

This little light of mine...

I've never been one to keep secrets, or hide things from my friends. I've always said that I am an open book – ask me and I will tell you. I'm also a firm believer in holding your head up high through whatever life throws at you, and finding the positives in even the most negative of experiences, whenever you can. I am a staunch believer in being loud and proud about what you believe in, so this is my #misCOURAGE story, for those of you who would like to know, but don’t feel you can ask.

On Monday 26th October 2015 my boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant. We’d been trying to conceive so it wasn't a shock, but the test line was so faint it took another four days of tests culminating in a digital one that read “pregnant” for us to really believe it.  On Monday 2^nd November I woke up to a small amount of blood when I went to the toilet. Panicking, I rushed to the doctor who examined me and confirmed I was still pregnant, but booked me in for a scan to check things were progressing as they should. Bleeding can be normal, but it can be bad news too. The scan was booked for the following Wednesday, because scanning before then would be pointless – nothing can be seen before the sixth week of pregnancy so we must wait until we’re past that mark.

After the longest ever 9 days (throughout which I was still “spotting” with brown blood, but no pain) we arrived at hospital for our early scan. Nothing could be found in my uterus but my urine tests were still coming back positive for a pregnancy and “something” could be seen in my fallopian tube, near to my left ovary. Blood tests were taken, and then we waited. And waited. 6 hours later it was confirmed the hormone levels in my blood were so high I must be pregnant, but the lack of anything in my uterus meant the pregnancy must be ectopic – growing in my tube, and “not viable” for survival. Because of how far along I was, the only option was keyhole surgery to remove the pregnancy (or “Pip” as Dan and I were calling it by then). This surgery would likely mean my fallopian tube would be removed too, and there was also a risk my left ovary would have to be taken because of how close it was to where the pregnancy had implanted. I wasn't in any pain so because the placement of the pregnancy meant my operation was somewhat riskier than a “normal” ectopic removal, I was admitted to hospital overnight, to wait for the operation the next day.

On Thursday 12^th November when I was 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant I had my operation. They removed the pregnancy and my left fallopian tube, but it went well and my ovary was saved. I came home on Friday, after receiving excellent care from the surgeons, doctors, nurses and staff at the NHS hospital who looked after me.

Today is Monday, and I am 4 days post op. I'm healing well, my bleeding is lessening and I am moving around with more ease despite a sore tummy. The future is a positive one as there is every chance my 2 ovaries and 1 tube will do a job and I can successfully fall pregnant (in the right place!) in the future. Because I am a positive person, I am feeling ok. I'm of course very sad that our little Pip wasn't meant to be, but I refuse to wallow and am looking to the future. I know that many, many women are not as lucky as I was, or as well-equipped emotionally to cope with the fallout. I've had such an outpouring of love and support from my friends and family that I feel strong and confident to move forwards with whatever is next for me and my body.

One in four pregnancies end in miscarriage. One in eighty pregnancies is ectopic. I may now be an official statistic, but I am also a person and that makes my story unique, however common it actually is. People deal with things like this very differently, and there is no wrong or right way to do that – just whatever way is right for you. The right way for me is to be loud and proud about it, then put it behind me. This happened, but I am ok. I will remain ok, and better.

In the words of the song I sang to my Pip in those 9 days waiting for our scan, “this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine…” I'm looking forward to a shining future.

To find out more about ectopic pregnancy, check out The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/

Viva Las Vegas... and beyond!

What’s the first thing you think when someone says “Las Vegas” to you? Chances are you’re imagining bright lights, buzzing casinos, pool parties and wild nights… well, all of that is true, as well as so much more. I've recently come back from a 5 night “break” to Vegas and the Grand Canyon, and the trip more than lived up to my expectations – it smashed them!

I was in Las Vegas as part of a group of 8 girls, for my friend’s birthday. We were determined to make the most of our time away, and we certainly did that! I'm sure you've heard the saying “what goes in Vegas, stays in Vegas” but I thought I’d break that rule and write about my (edited!) highlights, for anyone that’s planning on heading out there...

The Buffets

Ahhhh, the buffets. As much a part of Las Vegas as The Strip, you must eat at a buffet when you visit. Available for breakfast, lunch or dinner at pretty much all of the main hotels, the buffets are the epitome of American excess – and they are awesome! Name practically any food you can think of, and the buffets will have it available for you, with no limit to how many times you can go up – so make sure you’re wearing an elasticised waistband when you visit! You can also opt to upgrade to a champagne buffet (which is also no limits) to make the most of the experience – we did of course, and it was certainly worth it!

I chose to visit the breakfast buffet at the Wynn hotel, because the hotel is stunningly beautiful and the buffet famously good. I can’t say I’ve ever had Chinese food or roast beef and gravy for breakfast before, but I did that day… along with eggs, bacon, pancakes, pastries and more, plus more yummy champagne mimosa cocktails than I care to admit!

Flower sculptures in the Wynn lobby... almost as stunning as the buffet!

The Shows

Vegas is all about the shows. If you had the time (and the money!) you could see a different show every night for weeks on end – Circque du Soleil one night, maybe a Michael Jackson tribute show, Elton John or Ricky Martin, the magicians Criss Angel or or Penn and Teller - and so many more I can’t list them all. We opted for the girls’ night out legend that is Ms. Britney Spears, and her show at Planet Hollywood. We decided to embrace the occasion and dressed up as different Britney looks through the years, which was hilarious and attracted a lot of happy comments from our fellow revellers! The show was as fabulous as we expected – amazing dancing, impressive stage sets, loads of glitz and glamour and the fabulous Ms. Spears back to her pop queen best!

The Strip

Make sure you explore The Strip when you’re in Vegas. Walking up and down the main street is like stepping into a film set, and you can stroll into any of the main hotels to check out the over the top decorations and do some people watching – or gambling if you’re feeling lucky – in the casinos! There’s the Egyptian inspired Luxor, decadent Bellagio with the famous water fountain show (don’t miss that!), themed New York, New York (which even has a roller coaster in the casino!) The Venetian and Paris, and my personal fave Excalibur with it’s fabulous turrets and knights of the realm décor! There’s also the famous Vegas sign to visit and wedding chapels to nose at, plus the High Roller wheel (like the London Eye but bigger, and with a bar!) and the Big Shot ride at The Stratosphere – one of the tallest thrill rides in the world. I did both, and thoroughly enjoyed High Roller… Big Shot, not so much – aaaaaarrghhh!!

Faces of FEAR on the Big Shot!

Views from the High Roller, with a bevvy - what's not to like?

The Pool Parties

Pool parties are a Vegas staple, and worth experiencing even if you’re a pale skinned sun avoider like me! We got on the guest list for the party at Encore hotel and joined in the champagne spraying, booty shaking craziness with gusto, and partied to DJ Jermaine Dupri with the best of them (different special guest famous faces play throughout the season). Not my usual scene, but I had a blast and would recommend everyone tries a pool party for the true Vegas lifestyle experience!

As fabulous as Las Vegas is, I also really wanted to make the most of my trip and get out of the city a couple of times, to experience more of what Nevada state has to offer.  My group did 3 day trips between us, and I joined in for two of them…

The Grand Canyon

This one needs no introduction. We picked the option of a helicopter trip and despite the obscenely early start it was worth every penny. Our pilot flew us over the Hoover Dam en route to the Canyon, where we landed to enjoy a champagne breakfast before getting back in the chopper to fly over more of the Canyon and take in the breathtaking scenery. It was everything I’d hoped it would be and it’s easy to understand why it’s one of the Natural Wonders of The World. We flew back to Vegas via The Strip, and the contrast of the natural beauty of the Grand Canyon to the modern bright lights and big city of Vegas really brought home just how stunning the scenery we’d experienced was.

My Happy Face.

Area 51 and Rachel

You’ve probably heard of Area 51, the top secret government facility deep in the Nevada desert. Depending on who you ask, there is either nothing at all going on there (according to the US government) or a full on conspiracy and alien landing site. Our day trip here included a drive down the extraterrestrial highway, plus stops at a beautiful, eerie dry lake bed, and most excitingly of all (for me, anyway – bucket list alert!) the town of Rachel, the closest town to Area 51 and home of the Little A’le’Inn restaurant and bar. Ever since I found out there was a town named after me (ok, that bit’s an exaggeration…!) I’ve wanted to go, so I was very overexcited when we arrived in the small, dusty town that bears my name. It was fabulous! We were welcomed with open arms by the friendly residents, and enjoyed our Alien Burger and Alien Beer at the Inn.

Final stop was the Area 51 cordon – step past this and “use of deadly force is authorised” to stop you, so we stayed behind the line and waved at the security guards parked at the top of the hill who’d zoomed over in their jeeps the moment we arrived. They didn’t wave back… just watched us, riffles in hand, as we took photos at the famous signs and wondered what all the government secrecy was for, if nothing is really going on there…

Horse Riding at Red Rock Canyon

4 of my friends saddled up for a cowgirl experience and enjoyed a horse riding trip to Red Rock Canyon, about 30 minutes out of Las Vegas. As well as a trek through the rugged, cactus strewn desert the girls had a fab time learning to lasso and eating barbequed steak with their guides, who told them all about the native American history of the area.

I can’t put into words how much of an amazing time I had on this trip. Las Vegas and the surrounding areas is an amazing destination, and covers all bases as far as I’m concerned – stunning scenery, famous sights, great food, and amazing parties. I may need another holiday to recover from this one though…!