Wherever I lay my hat....

..that's my home. Or so I thought. Ever since I was tiny I've been good at feeling at home straight away. Whenever we'd go on holiday I'd always say, "mommy, are we going home soon?" when I was on the beach and the sun got too much for my ginger self. I meant back to wherever we were staying, not actual home, but it just seemed natural that where I was living at any point in time was "home."

Now though, I do actually have two homes. I've lived in Leeds for nearly 2 years , and it is my home. The (not so?) weird thing is, I think a part of me will always feel like I really belong in Stourbridge.

I went back last weekend for the birthdays of two of my best boys, and it was like I was properly myself again. Everyone talked the same way I did, they all knew me inside out and it was just comfortable. We went camping and on the Saturday our friends who have chidren came for the day. It scared me that Dal's son Josh is 3 months old and it was the first time I'd seen him in the flesh. It made me sad that I can't be there next weekend for Danielle's daughter Grace's 1st birthday party.

There's always a flip side with me, and coming back to my Northern home gave me one. It was Katie's birthday yesterday and some people went out for a curry to celebrate. The man who owns the restaurant (big up Javeed!) recognised us (Katie and Josh have been going there for years, but I do think he remembered me too) and laughing and drinking with nice people who I genuinely care about gave me my flip side - I love being in Leeds and I don't want to leave. I couldn't leave now, because despite how Stourbridge makes me feel, this is my home.

It seems like I'm destined to always feel torn, to want to be in Stourbridge when I'm in Leeds, and to want to be in Leeds when I'm back in The 'Bridge. I did this to myself though, because I left. I still stand by the fact that coming to Leeds was the best thing I could've done and I don't regret it for a second, but I didn't realise I'd signed up to this permanent tug of love game I play with myself!

Wherever I lay my hat that's my home? Maybe, but it seems more appropriate to say home is where the heart is, and my heart is now in two places. What a cheater...