I've never been one to keep secrets, or hide things from
my friends. I've always said that I am an open book – ask me and I will tell
you. I'm also a firm believer in holding your head up high through whatever
life throws at you, and finding the positives in even the most negative of
experiences, whenever you can. I am a staunch believer in being loud and proud
about what you believe in, so this is my #misCOURAGE story, for those of you
who would like to know, but don’t feel you can ask.
On Monday 26th October 2015 my boyfriend and I found out
I was pregnant. We’d been trying to conceive so it wasn't a shock, but the test
line was so faint it took another four days of tests culminating in a digital
one that read “pregnant” for us to really believe it. On Monday 2nd November I woke up to
a small amount of blood when I went to the toilet. Panicking, I rushed to the doctor
who examined me and confirmed I was still pregnant, but booked me in for a scan
to check things were progressing as they should. Bleeding can be normal, but it
can be bad news too. The scan was booked for the following Wednesday, because
scanning before then would be pointless – nothing can be seen before the sixth
week of pregnancy so we must wait until we’re past that mark.
After the longest ever 9 days (throughout which I was
still “spotting” with brown blood, but no pain) we arrived at hospital for our
early scan. Nothing could be found in my uterus but my urine tests were still
coming back positive for a pregnancy and “something” could be seen in my fallopian
tube, near to my left ovary. Blood tests were taken, and then we waited. And
waited. 6 hours later it was confirmed the hormone levels in my blood were so
high I must be pregnant, but the lack of anything in my uterus meant the
pregnancy must be ectopic – growing in my tube, and “not viable” for survival.
Because of how far along I was, the only option was keyhole surgery to remove
the pregnancy (or “Pip” as Dan and I were calling it by then). This surgery
would likely mean my fallopian tube would be removed too, and there was also a
risk my left ovary would have to be taken because of how close it was to where
the pregnancy had implanted. I wasn't in any pain so because the placement of
the pregnancy meant my operation was somewhat riskier than a “normal” ectopic
removal, I was admitted to hospital overnight, to wait for the operation the
next day.
On Thursday 12th November when I was 6 weeks
and 6 days pregnant I had my operation. They removed the pregnancy and my left fallopian
tube, but it went well and my ovary was saved. I came home on Friday, after receiving
excellent care from the surgeons, doctors, nurses and staff at the NHS hospital
who looked after me.
Today is Monday, and I am 4 days post op. I'm healing
well, my bleeding is lessening and I am moving around with more ease despite a
sore tummy. The future is a positive one as there is every chance my 2 ovaries
and 1 tube will do a job and I can successfully fall pregnant (in the right
place!) in the future. Because I am a positive person, I am feeling ok. I'm of
course very sad that our little Pip wasn't meant to be, but I refuse to wallow
and am looking to the future. I know that many, many women are not as lucky as
I was, or as well-equipped emotionally to cope with the fallout. I've had such
an outpouring of love and support from my friends and family that I feel strong
and confident to move forwards with whatever is next for me and my body.
One in four pregnancies end in miscarriage. One in eighty
pregnancies is ectopic. I may now be an official statistic, but I am also a
person and that makes my story unique, however common it actually is. People
deal with things like this very differently, and there is no wrong or right way
to do that – just whatever way is right for you. The right way for me is to be
loud and proud about it, then put it behind me. This happened, but I am ok. I
will remain ok, and better.
In the words of the song I sang to my Pip in those 9 days
waiting for our scan, “this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine…” I'm
looking forward to a shining future.
To find out more about ectopic pregnancy, check out The
Ectopic Pregnancy Trust: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/
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