Ectopic one year on

1 year ago today I had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. The surgery saved my life and my fertility, but I lost the pregnancy and my left fallopian tube. I blogged about it here

A year later, and all of the worries and questions about my fertility have been answered, as I'm now 8 months pregnant! I also blogged about that, here However, just because I've been lucky enough to get pregnant again relatively quickly after my ectopic. doesn't mean that it's forgotten or that it doesn't continue to affect me. I think anyone who's had something like this happen to them carries it with them forever - it's part of who I am now, and shapes the way I look at life. That's not a negative thing, it just is what it is.

The main thing that I think the ectopic has done to me is made me more aware that bad things can and do happen, and that they can and do happen to me. An ectopic is no longer something that happens to other people, so I'm super aware that other bad things might not just happen to other people either. Being pregnant doesn't hold the naive excitement it may have otherwise done - I know that things can go wrong - my body has let me down once before so I don't blindly trust that it won't let me down again. I pride myself on my positivity, but I'm also cautious in a way I may not otherwise have been.

A year is a long time, but it can pass by in the blink of an eye. I don't like to think of what might have been... the pregnancy was never meant to be, so there's no point thinking how old the baby would be now, what I might be doing. I do remember, but I don't dwell. I ended my first ectopic blog post by saying that "this happened, but I am ok. I will remain ok, and better." One year on, I really am better than ok. That little light of mine shone brightly, and I am nearly at the end of the tunnel it lights, where a rainbow awaits.